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El diario de Becca

We suck young blood.

July 7th, 2006

Am I on Karma's payment plan? @ 09:14 pm

Current Mood: Fretting, tired
Current Music: mirah

I only deserve the same treatment that I release upon others, but I'm really praying my situation is merely circumstantial, not heavenly revenge.

June 30th, 2006

Almost free @ 05:57 pm

Current Location: Bloomfield, que lastima
Current Mood: excitable
Current Music: Jack Kerouac recordings


Tell me you wouldn't want to live there. I'll be out by August 1st.

June 21st, 2006

Life estranges me @ 03:38 pm

Current Mood: baffled and numb
Current Music: Mirah, Don't Die in Me

Lauren Jolly's life and death made the front page of the Detroit Free Press today. So many "what if"'s about her. I can't imagine what I would be feeling had I been close to her.

Teen's life slips away in drug den

This girl lived right down the street from me.

June 13th, 2006

(no subject) @ 03:03 am

Current Mood: "contentful"
Current Music: Love of the Loveless, Eels Mix pt. I

Remaining vague—

I am intensely intrigued by the direction my life is taking me. Am I taking myself through life? It’s hard to say, and I don’t care much either way.

Smiles all around.

June 4th, 2006

(no subject) @ 11:05 pm

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: missile ++, blonde redhead

teen angst.

approximately a month and a half until i no longer live with my parents.

March 19th, 2006

Look at this girl @ 10:52 pm

Current Mood: fat
Current Music: Joanna Newsom, DUH!

No, seriously. Look at her.

Can I be her. Please?

March 14th, 2006

Love, pull your sore ribs in. I will pull your tangles out. @ 10:03 pm

Current Mood: predatory
Current Music: T&S, Oh how I've missed these pretty ladies

I think I have T.B. and I think that means I'll have to give up the sultry taste cigarettes for a while as it is coating the back of my throat with grossness.

I'm in a very bad place as far as self esteem goes. It's getting to the point where I can't look into mirrors without cringing. I kind of want to lop off my head and start skinning layers off of my stomach and thighs. Maybe I should go to that self-esteem shop on Woodward. Hahaha. I'm not that bad yet, if I get there, kill me. Please.

Everything seems like it's going alright, and then it gets pretty shitty but then when I really evaluate things I think that everything is really okay. This goes for everything in my life, social, academic and whatever else. Everything is okay. Why does it feel like it should be more than okay? But I'm okay, so I guess that is better than less than okay.

Let's count how many times I just said the word "okay."

Goals: Break all the mirrors in the world, so those that are full of conceit can suffer instead of me.

I'm so goddamned selfish lately. It's making me sick. Fahjfhjshajhf When will I be out of high school? I just want to get out of here.

February 25th, 2006

this was kind of fun, thank you for this one Carrie @ 07:13 pm

Current Music: Mirah

the Peacemaker
Test finished!
you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE.

"I am at peace"

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union
with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

  • If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially
    don't like expectations or pressure.

  • I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.

  • Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.

  • Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge
    me gently and nonjudgmentally.

  • Ask me questions to help me get clear.

  • Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.

  • Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.

  • I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.

  • Let me know you like what I've done or said.

  • Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

  • being nonjudgmental and accepting

  • caring for and being concerned about others

  • being able to relax and have a good time

  • knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around

  • my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good
    mediator and facilitator

  • my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and

  • being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

  • being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive

  • being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline

  • being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch
    of the mouth personally

  • being confused about what I really want

  • caring too much about what others will think of me

  • not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

  • feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant

  • tune out a lot, especially when others argue

  • are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

  • are supportive, kind, and warm

  • are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please RATE it :-)

You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose BX

Would you rather have chosen:

  • AX (SEVEN)
  • CX (TWO)
  • BY (FOUR)
  • BZ (FIVE)

  • My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
    free online datingfree online dating
    You scored higher than 21% on ABC
    free online datingfree online dating
    You scored higher than 30% on XYZ
    Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

    January 25th, 2006

    amy is so good to me.... uhhh @ 11:08 pm

    Current Music: prodigy

    dear bex,
    my name is purple
    i have come to slay you
    befor eyou slay yourself
    i hate you
    passion fire HURT
    rubber bands and band aids

    dear bex, i
    have come to slay you
    slay dragons SLAY!

    dear bex
    plz die
    love amy

    November 6th, 2005

    Prufrock consoles me @ 11:09 pm

    Current Mood: uncomfortable

    And would it have been worth it, after all,
    After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
    Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
    Would it have been worth while,
    To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
    To have squeezed the universe into a ball,
    To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
    To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
    Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"--
    If one, settling a pillow by her head,
    Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
    that is not it, at all."

    And would it have been worth it, after all,
    Would it have been worth while,
    After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
    After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor--
    And this, and so much more?--
    Is it impossible to say just what I mean!
    But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
    Would it have been worth while
    If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
    And turning toward the window, should say:
    "That is not it at all,
    That is ot what I meant at all."

    El diario de Becca

    We suck young blood.